My mother was asked by Howard Shay the other day if she would be willing to assume the role of Warden of Trinity Church in Canaseraga, the post left vacant by my father’s passing. She said she would think about it for a while, and yesterday morning she gave Howard the answer “Yes” that he was hoping for. My mother will make a fine (and I might add, exceptionally well organized) Warden. My father would certainly approve.

Congratulations to Carol Topping on her new role! I know she will make a huge difference.

Congratulations to Trinity Church on your new Warden! You have snagged a great lady and she will serve you well.

The Topping family would like to thank all of the kind people that have made memorial donations in Dad’s name to his favorite charities. We have been notified that the Hornell Humane Society and Animal Shelter, Lollypop Farm in Rochester, and the Parry Sound Branch of the Ontario SPCA have all received memorial donations in his name. I am sure that many other such notifications will follow, much as the flood of cards and notes that we received from people expressing their condolences and sorrow over Dad’s death. We are grateful for everyone’s generosity and touched by the fact that they chose to honor him in a way that he would highly approve of. Our father was committed to helping these various organizations and would be thrilled by the outpouring of support that people have bestowed on some of his most favored charities. There could be no higher tribute to him than supporting the causes that meant so much to him personally.

Pop had been donating great quantities of food to the Red Cross Food Pantry in Hornell for quite some time now. He had also been giving significant amounts of support to the Hornell Animal Shelter, in the form of large bags of dog food and things like dog toys that he had purchased when the opportunity arose. Mom mentioned that she delivered some of the dog food that Pop had squirreled away at their house to the Animal Shelter in Hornell a few days ago. The staff there told her that they had only made the connection between her and Pop when they saw the car she had driven up in, and that he had stopped in on a regular basis and had quietly dropped off supplies with little fanfare. They said that they didn’t know a lot about him, but now that the memorial contributions were pouring in they had made the connection to just exactly who he was, and were grateful for his dedicated support based on his love of animals. The shelter will be sending Mom a list of all the donors who have made contributions in his name sometime in the near future.

Pop’s obituary appeared in the Parry Sound North Star newspaper today and can be viewed on the North Star website by clicking on the following link Stan Topping Obituary - Parry Sound North Star. The identical obituary will appear in the Parry Sound Beacon Star on Saturday.

Pop’s funeral was the perfect celebration of his life. This is precisely what he would have wanted. His choice of Trinity Church in Canaseraga was ideal, as it was his daily place of worship and thus a fitting and wholly appropriate venue. The church was filled nearly to capacity, but not so much that those in attendance were left without seats. Pop has always championed the underdog, and Trinity, with its congregation advancing in age and declining in size and financial resources, is a prime target for closure by the diocese. Pop’s involvement with Trinity as its Warden was both as much about receiving nourishment from participating in something good and right, as it was about helping a small parish “on the ropes” avoid closure amidst declining attendance and dwindling support from the diocese for Trinity’s role as a rural outpost of the Episcopal Church.

The weather-beaten exterior of the beautiful old church stood in sharp contrast to the vibrant sound of the quartet of bagpipers and the energy of the celebration occurring inside. Howard Shay and his family, one of the longstanding pillars of Trinity for many, many years, was a good friend of my father. Howard and my father stood together in a brotherhood of solidarity; their mission being to protect and sustain Trinity. Thank you Howard for your friendship and caring, and your regular calls during Pop’s illness to inquire about how he and our family were doing. I am confident Howard will continue to be an integral force at Trinity, fed by the strength of his faith, and I would also suspect a loving memory of my father.

The service was absolutely beautiful and the celebrants delivered a magnificent tribute to my father, his life, and his faith. I can attest that the people who knew and loved him were plentiful in attendance and moved by the experience. As the sound of the bagpipes faded, the funeral procession made its way to the cemetery for the Rite of Committal, where the bagpipes resumed and the celebration continued. Below are pictures of the bagpipers at Rural Cemetery in Hornell, courtesy of David Lind.

The celebration concluded with the final interment of Pop’s ashes into a hole in the ground in the Topping family plot. Everybody in the crowd was then encouraged to throw a bit of dirt on the cremains box to ceremonially send Pop off on his journey from the bounds of the physical earth and into the arms of God. Farewell Pop, you are well loved and now at peace, and you will never be forgotten.

The past week has been a very difficult and extremely busy time for our family. For us this was also a time of great mourning. As you are aware there have been no blog postings for a few days, as we all prepared for and participated in my father’s funeral. Each time I went to do a post, I found it hard muster the inspiration and focus that a good blog demands. However, as my Pop taught me, “Life goes on”. And it does. It must. And so will the blog. I have many topics to write on and many things to share. Details about Pop’s funeral and this past weekend. Things about people, occurrences, and conversations. Things about my father, his dreadful illness, and his views on life. Pictures, pictures, pictures! (Pop loved posting pictures on the blog, and I have been remiss as of late in that respect). And ongoing information and observations about the South Channel, the purpose of this blog in the first place.

With copious amount of love and support from family, friends, clergy, and caring and assistance from other folks like Bill Bishop, the funeral director from Bishop and Johnson Funeral Home, and the bagpipers who played at the funeral, our family made it through this tough chapter of life in grand fashion. My Pop would be proud. In fact, my Pop IS proud. However, I know there are still many difficult times ahead of us, as well as many good ones, and I hope to be prepared for whatever the future may hold.

Here are photos of the flags at our dock at Seven Mile Narrows on the South Channel in Georgian Bay. Our cottage is located on McLaren Island, which is about 8 miles by water from the town of Parry Sound, Ontario.

The flags were lowered to half-mast after my father passed away as a mark of respect to his memory.

In America, the US flag is typically flown throughout the country at half-mast a prescribed number of days based on rank, service, or importance of the person being honored. For example, 30 Days from the death of the President, former President, or person of great importance; 10 Days from the day of death of The Vice President or a sitting or former Supreme Court Chief Justice; from the day of death to the day of Interment of The Governor of a State, territory, or possession of the United States, etc. The president can also direct that the flag be flown at half-staff as a symbol of respect for great Americans, and other officials and foreign dignitaries who are noted for their non-government service and achievement.

We will fly the flags at our cottage at half-mast for 30 days, as my father was someone of the greatest importance to us.

We believe he was also of great importance, to the very same South Channel he loved so.

We salute you Pop!

Pop’s obituary in the Rochester D&C appeared yesterday and can be viewed at Stan Topping Obituary - Rochester Democrat & Chronicle. There will also be obituaries in the Parry Sound North Star and the Parry Sound Beacon Star in the next few days. Maps and directions to Trinity Church in Canaseraga where his funeral will be held tomorrow can be found by following these links: Stan Topping Funeral Directions - Microsoft Word Document and Stan Topping Funeral Directions - PDF Format.

As my mom would say, “Today is a new day.” Our hearts are heavy as we prepare for Pop’s funeral, but we are nourished by the incredible outpouring of love and support from family and friends. A perfect example of this was a letter we received from a dear old friend Phillip Kerman, who resides in Portland, Oregon.

Phillip and I attended college at RIT together many moons ago. Although we live on opposite sides of the country, Phillip makes a yearly trip to the Rochester area and usually stays at our house so we see each other about once a year. Phillip is very bright, inquisitive, and quite an unusual character. While in college, he rode his bicycle solo across the United States from Portland to Rochester. He also used to jet around campus (and almost anywhere else) on his skateboard, and made a big impression on Pop when he rode his skateboard about 10 miles from RIT to our home in downtown Rochester to share in a Thanksgiving celebration with our family. What really blew our minds was that he did this in about 20 minutes!

Anyway, I spoke with Phillip on the phone last night and thanked him for his note. I also asked his permission to reprint it here on the blog, as it captures the very essence of my father. Phil’s note dated 6 July 06 follows:

Dear Lance, Suzanne, Kiera, and Ian,I’m really sad and sorry about your dad/granddad. I followed the blog off and on over the last few days. When I read it today it made me really sad – but it was good that I got to experience the sadness nearly the same time as you.I remember Stan quite well. I probably would never have learned about such interesting topics as “moth man” if it wasn’t for him. I remember him from a Halloween party or two also. He strikes me as “big” in more than just his size. I’m sure his memory will remain similarly. No one fades away when they’re gone, but in his case I think your love for him will make him stay forever.

As I wheeled around the corner of the hill on South Avenue this morning, the brick facade of Highland Hospital loomed into view. This is a sight I have become all too familiar with during countless visits over the forty days and forty nights of my father’s stay in the ICU, and a grim reminder of what happened here last Thursday. It’s also a sight that my sister Johanna sees daily, as she makes her way to work as a registered nurse in Highland’s West 7 unit. The purpose of my visit was to once again accompany my mother to the ICU, but this time not for a visit to see our Pop, but rather to complete consent paperwork for his autopsy.

The hospital called my mother this morning and told her that the autopsy, which was originally supposed to be performed last Friday, had been delayed due to paperwork technicalities. My sister’s cell phone had rung as my mother and sister were hastily fleeing the hospital immediately after Pop’s passing, and Johanna rushed back in to sign the consent form for the autopsy. Unfortunately, my mother was his primary health care proxy and Johanna was authorized as a substitute only if Mom was unable to consent herself. The ICU staff told her this morning that she needed to be there to sign in person and have the signature witnessed. I had known Friday that this was a possible issue when I spoke with the Director of the Morgue on the phone from our cottage, but repeated calls to the morgue at Highland on Saturday and Sunday went unanswered. I guess it’s dead there on the weekends.

Mom and I went to the ICU desk and spoke with Dr. Perillo, the head doctor in charge and the Director of the ICU unit at Highland Hospital. ICU Room 10 was just a few feet immediately to our left, and a new customer was occupying the bed where my father had spent his final minutes. I couldn’t help thinking that I hoped their outcome is more positive than that for our family. Mom signed the consent forms as Dr. Perillo and I discussed the details of the autopsy procedure; including the specifics of the diagnostic tests involved and an expected timeframe for a preliminary diagnosis. We hope to know more information in the next few days as to what was responsible for Pop’s illness, and ultimately the cause of his death.

Today we are busy finalizing arrangements for Pop’s funeral and things are falling into place beautifully. The bagpipers are all lined up, and I think they will be able to help us create the atmosphere that Pop had in mind.

The Hornell obituary appeared in the Evening Tribune last night and we are all very happy with the way it came out. We are especially pleased with the photo, which was a relatively current image of Pop and accurately portrays him the way we remember him. A copy of that obituary can be viewed on the funeral home website at Stan Topping - Hornell obitiuary. There will also be obituaries in the Rochester Democrat & Chronicle and the North Star and Beacon newspapers in Parry Sound, and they should appear in the next few days.

Pop was committed to helping his community in many ways. Over the course of his life he donated over 25 gallons of blood to the Red Cross. That’s one heck of a lot of blood! He also took the problem of feeding the hungry very seriously, and donated large amounts of food to the Red Cross Food Pantry. Pop also was always an animal lover and a supporter of Humane Societies. The following are links to organizations particularly important to him:

The Hornell Humane Society
The Ontario SPCA - Parry Sound Branch
Trinity Anglican Church in Parry Sound
West Parry Sound Health Center
The Hornell YMCA

Please make memorial contributions to one of these charities, or to any community oriented organizations.

I just returned from a long, productive day in Hornell where we met with the funeral director and worked out all the details of the funeral and interment of our father. We discussed even the minutest details about how everything would work, and I think my mom, my sister, and I are satisfied that things are as they should be and that my father would be pleased. We also met with three different priests and hammered out the specifics of the funeral service itself; including readings, music, prayers, and the specific roles people would be playing. The funeral service will be held at Trinity Church in Canaseraga, NY on Friday, July 14th at 11:00 AM. Trinity is located on North Church Street in Canaseraga. It’s a small parish which my parents have attended religiously (pun intended) for the last few years, and my father has been the Warden there.

Death is such a complicated thing. We spent time today writing an obituary, deciding the specifics of handling ashes, determining transportation for the funeral, and discussing the myriad of other details that go into planning such an occasion. My father was a very practical man and didn’t care much about what happened after he died. When asked about how he wanted a funeral service or interment handled, he would reply with something like, “I don’t really care, because I’ll be dead.” The one thing that he did mention many times was that he wanted to have bagpipers at his funeral. The pomp and circumstance of bagpipers in their kilts, with the magical, but somewhat eerie sound of pipes wailing away as people mourned, has always appealed to Pop. So bagpipers it is.

As expected, my mother and the rest of our family are deeply affected by our loss. Everyone seems to be doing relatively well given the situation, but we are all very weary from the experience. We are still in a phase where the thought of Pop’s death unexpected catches you off guard and hits you, and before you know it you are overcome by sadness. Mom has been a trouper and instinctively redirects her sorrow to planning and getting things done, but these are only temporary distractions from the reality of what has happened. Rest well tonight, Mom. We love you. Tomorrow is a new day.

Weather-wise, the day continues to be beautiful in Parry Sound. We made a dump run and said good-bye to our friend Pete Hodge, and Matt and Natalie at Craganmor Point. The “big push” is now in full swing and we will be leaving the cottage in a few minutes. We expect a smooth trip and should be in Rochester before midnight.

Goodnight cottage. Goodnight Pop. Goodnight moon.